Saturday, April 1st, 2023 Church Directory

Satire sometimes hits too close to home

According to several published studies, as many as 80% of Americans glean their news by only reading the headlines. So in order to test the mettle of our readers, I made up some satirical headlines (or am I a modern day Nostradamus?) followed by a justification of why readers could believe they are true. Readers can be the judge - is it purely satire or will these come true? 

Armored car guards redeployed to secure egg shipments.

Let’s be honest, it’ll take a calculator and Advanced Algebra to figure out which is more valuable - the bags of loot carried in the Brinks truck or an entire shipment of eggs. The proverbial fox in the henhouse would be committing a felony nowadays.

Judge orders guilty man to drive car on Hwy. 10 through St. Cloud.

Has anyone else been victimized by the sinkhole sized potholes in St. Cloud along Hwy. 10? With a “whatever” billion dollar surplus, one would think the State of Minnesota could stand to fix these tire-eating behemoths. Instead, these potholes are committing crimes against humanity every day.  This court mandated sentencing would be more harsh than a good-sized fine or restitution!

Webster’s changes definition of classified.

It doesn’t seem to matter which political party is in charge of classified documents, as their misplacement and subsequent discovery is becoming more common than snowless days in Minnesota.  It won’t be long until someone orders the dictionary to change the definition of “classified” to protect those guilty of this crime. After all, they tried it with the word recession.

There you have it folks. A trio of headlines that may seem like satire, but could contain nuggets of truth. Only time will tell if the satire becomes reality.