This week, I went in search of a romantic Valentine’s Day story for our readers. Little did I know, I’d come upon a rather sordid tale of love found in the backyards of Minnesota.
As you all know, Sasquatches have been part of American lore since — well, probably since before Christopher Columbus landed on the shores of the Atlantic.
Sightings occur regularly across the United States and in particular the Pacific Northwest. However, did you know Minnesota has a place in the Sasquatch lore as well?
As a matter of fact, the small town of Remer, MN is known as the Bigfoot Capitol of the United States (at least by the locals, it is). According to the internet (which we all know is completely truthful), Minnesota has had hundreds if not thousands of Bigfoot sightings over the years and this story is just one of them.
As the Minnesota winter season progresses, we began heading into February and March — typically two of the snowiest months of the year in the Northland.
Well, now with the latest snowfall, this writer was out and about looking for a story to captivate his readers — particularly a Valentine’s Day story to coincide with the holiday next week.
Lo and behold, back by the industrial park in Becker, a behemoth of a beast was spotted near the river between Sherco and the nuclear power plant in Monticello. He was massive and it appeared he was bathing in the torrent river and grooming his matted fur.
“Must have a date”, I thought to myself, so I hid in the trees to tail him.
His tongue was magical, licking his brownish fur until his mane was coifed as if he was the Fabio of the forest creatures.
“Yep, definitely going on a date,” I murmured.
The creature then reached into the bushes and pulled out a bouquet of carrots — carrots? His arm entered the thick bushes again and he pulled out what appeared to be coal cubes from the Sherco power plant.
“Hmmm, that is throwing me for a loop,” I thought.
Before I knew it, the Sasquatch creature began sauntering along the river — trudging through the snow and shrubberies — his huge feet acting like snowshoes as he glided across the white snowy plain.
It wasn’t easy for me to keep up, but I had to. My story in the paper depended on me capturing this beast and possibly scoring a noble peace prize for journalism or photography...or both.
He headed north to 115th Avenue until he turned west towards Snuffy’s Landing. His keen talent of staying camouflaged in the forests of the world was on full display for this writer who marveled at his deceptibility. He once slowed down and crouched as an approaching vehicle neared him. Another time he laid out completely in the soft white stuff to avoid detection from a semi driver who had wandering eyes.
Eventually, the hairy beast crossed the road from the landing and walked gingerly towards a snow bank and over the hill. I took refuge behind a nearby tree to the north and there, to my full surprise was Sassy’s love interest.
His mate was rather hippy and her arms quite scrawny as they reached towards the heavens. For some reason she wore a man’s fedora but her pink scarf gave her away as a frisky female. Bigfoot approached her and presented her with the bouquet and began attaching the coal pellets to her front side.
It was at that moment I finally caught a good glimpse of his lover and realized the Minnesota snow beast had fallen for a snowman.
A snowwoman to be precise.
His gentleness towards the snow person had my jaw dropped to my chest. He was enamored with the creature some children or teen had built from the freshly fallen snow.
And there it was, I had found my Valentine’s Day story. A little (or a lot) unorthodox, but still a story that touched my heart. Before the romance between beast and snow person commenced, I hightailed it out of there without the monster even noticing.
That’s love. That’s what Valentine’s Day is all about isn’t it? A love that has no bounds.
And it all occurred right here in Becker.
Happy Valentine’s Day Sassy. I hope your love for your new mate only melted her heart.
