There was a woman whom I loved dearly, her name was Suzanne. She married my grandfather when I was a child, and I called her “Mammaw.” She claimed us grandkids as her own, period. Suzanne had a big personality, she never sugar-coated anything, and she gave her heart freely. She helped raise me and my younger sister, Michelle. Michelle was a Mammaw’s girl and they adored each other.
I recently started feeling unwell, and as it turned out, I had COVID-19. A couple of days later, I learned that Mammaw also tested positive for COVID, which she had contracted while recovering in a nursing home from a minor hospital procedure. At first, Mammaw said she had no symptoms, and it seemed she was feeling pretty good. Before long, my sister started getting calls that the doctors wanted to talk with her. Imagine my shock when a text message popped up on my cell, “Mammaw might not make it.” My heart sank. I began to request prayers.
That Friday my sister went to Chicago to visit Mammaw in her hospital room. She was for the most part unconscious, and struggled to breathe. As a lung cancer survivor, Mammaw had been experiencing various health issues for years. My sister called me from the hospital room, and we prayed for Mammaw, reminding her how much we loved her. At one point, she mouthed the words, “love you.” It was heartbreaking to think of losing her.
On Sunday, I woke up troubled in my spirit. I called the hospital Chaplain and she kindly ministered to my hurting heart. She helped me arrange a Zoom call so my mom, sister, nephew, and I could pray over Mammaw and be with her in whatever capacity we could, given the circumstances.
I am always amazed at how much God loves us. I recalled a conversation several weeks earlier when Mammaw asked me to pray for her sister, who was in the hospital. She explained her concerns through tears, and I could sense her turmoil. She was so upset at the thought of her sister being alone, in the hospital, something she herself feared. We prayed for her sister, and began to discuss salvation. Mammaw believed in God, this I knew – but I didn’t know where exactly she was in her faith walk. We discussed the scripture in Romans 10:9; “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
Salvation is a gift we receive by grace, through faith. Not because of anything we do, but because of what God did. Read John 3:16; “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” I was able to lead Mammaw in prayer for salvation; she asked Jesus to come into her heart and be the Lord of her life, confessed her faith that He was the son of God and that He died for her sins, so that she can have eternal life, and she repented of her sins. I believe the Lord orchestrated the whole conversation to take place.
Fast forward some weeks later, we were gathered together on a Zoom call, saying tear-filled goodbyes. Mammaw did not seem aware or conscious, but still we prayed and thanked her for all the love she gave. The Chaplain said, “I believe there are angels in your Mammaw’s room right now,” and that gave me such a sense of comfort. Too often, we lose sight of the glorious mysteries of the things we cannot physically see. In the wrong perspective one could have despaired, thinking, “Her fear came true, she is alone in a hospital room,” but the truth is that she was not alone in a hospital room, because we were there - and most importantly God was there with her. As I prayed over her, I thanked God for her, and for her life. A floodgate of gratitude overwhelmed me, as I realized that Jesus loves our Mammaw so much more than we can even imagine, and He died so that right now - in this moment, she has eternal life. He did it for her. He did it for me. He did it for you. I once heard a Pastor saying, “Death is not just leaving this world, it is also being born into heaven.” As my mom told her, “Give my Dad a hug for me,” I felt bittersweet joy as I imagined how happy Mammaw would be to see my grandfather, in heaven.
We ended the Zoom call with Psalm 23, and I felt peace that surpasses understanding, as I read aloud Psalm 23:6; “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.” Mammaw was born into heaven that evening.
So, I begin 2021 with a grateful heart, having experienced both loss and gain in 2020. Loss of my beloved Mammaw, and gaining of a deeper understanding - what Jesus did on the cross, and the realization of the magnitude for what that means for each one of us.
