One in three women in Minnesota will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime and one in three will be a victim of domestic violence. With these startling statistics, Chuck Derry of the Gender Violence Institute began a powerful presentation on gender violence prevention for a group of men and women in Clearwater.

 

“When I speak to men, I tell them these are girls and women they know and care about,” said Derry. “Their sisters, mothers, wives, colleagues and friends. How do we use our influence and privilege to make changes? How do we stop it before it starts?”

 

He explained battering isn’t about men not knowing any better or being drunk. Battering is a pattern of control that works. Men were asked what they got out of violence and after citing numerous benefits, they were then asked why they would give it up. Their answer was only if they were forced to or had to face consequences.

 

“I realized the importance of criminal justice response for the first time after hearing this,” said Derry.

 

Derry explained social norms are what is allowing violence against women, and cited a 2015 University of North Dakota study that found nearly one in three men would rape a woman if they knew they could get away with it. One in four college women have reported rape or attempted rape, and being raped after drinking too much at a party is common.

 

When he first started working with men who batter, Derry said he wondered how they would differ from himself. What he found instead was how much he was like them.

 

“Little boys aren’t born to be abusers,” he said. “So how do they become that way? It couldn’t happen without widespread cultural support. You just take for granted that it’s the way it is.”

 

As a young boy Derry learned the worst thing he could be was a girl. He was told not to run like a girl, not to throw like a girl, not to cry like a girl. Everywhere he looked men where in charge, the police, the church, the president. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out guys were better than girls.

 

He and the other boys started throwing girls’ skirts up so they could see their panties. By seventh grade they were grabbing the girls’ rears, becoming more hostile and intrusive of their boundaries the older they got.

 

At the same time, many of them were learning about sex from pornography, which ties sex and violence together. The average age for a boy to see porn for the first time is 11. 

 

“We have tied some of the most powerful pleasure centers in a man and boy’s body to the sexual abuse and pain of women,” said Derry. “This is what they think is normal. And no one is making any connection between these things and one in three women being assaulted or raped?”

 

He pointed out pornography wasn’t the only problem; the media depicts women as beneath men and often dressed in little to no clothing.

 

“Clothing is power,” he said. “If you’re going to torture someone one of the first things you do is strip them down and take away their power. If men really care, they have to understand the commercial exploitation of women has to stop.” 

 

Derry also spoke about prostitution and strip clubs, explaining most of these women aren’t there by choice, but have to act like they are or be beaten or killed. 

 

“The difference between sexual activity and assault is consent,” he said. “This is paid rape.”

 

“The question we have to ask ourselves is, ‘Do we care about women’s lives?’” said Derry. “Are we willing to give up some of our privileges? Are we willing to give up strip clubs, pornography and having sex with drunk women?”

He stressed change could only happen with both consequences and change of culture. We need to stop the demand, have strong intervention and primary prevention.

 

Since 1993, the Gender Violence Institute (GVI), has worked with communities and professionals in law enforcement and the criminal justice system, legislative and elected bodies, academia, public heath, human services, and sexual and domestic assault programs nationally and internationally. GVI was founded by Chuck Derry and Rose Thelen to end violence against women. For more information visit genderviolenceinstitute.org.