Last month I attended a presentation on gender violence prevention given by Chuck Derry of the Gender Violence Institute in Clearwater. As a woman, I thought I understood the issue well. As a mother of daughters, I thought I had taught them to be strong and stand up for themselves.
I was wrong.
I’m embarrassed to admit that not only did I not realize the extent of the problem, I’ve been enabling it. Like anything else, when you’re exposed to something day after day it becomes part of the norm, and that’s what’s happened with gender violence. It’s taken for granted because “that’s just the way it is.”
Like most people, when I thought of the issue I only considered the most horrific acts, like rape and physical abuse. I never thought of the little things women face every day as forms of violence because they’re so common they’ve become part of our culture.
Thankfully I’ve never been the victim of physical violence, but I have experienced many other forms of sexual harassment and gender discrimination throughout my lifetime.
The first instance I can remember happened when I was still in elementary school. I was in a book store with my family and had gone off on my own to peruse the shelves. As I was examining some titles that had caught my eye I felt a heavy bump against my back.
Looking over my shoulder I saw a large man directly behind me who was also looking up at the shelves. I decided it had been an accident so I moved down the aisle to get out of his way. He quickly followed and “bumped” into my back side again.
Once more I moved down the aisle and once more he immediately followed and “bumped” into me. Not knowing what was going on but realizing something wasn’t right, I hurried to find my mom and dad. This time the man didn’t follow. I didn’t think my parents would believe me so I didn’t tell them what had happened. I felt sick to my stomach the rest of the day.
As a young adult, there were numerous times men tried to take advantage of me when I’d had too much to drink. The summer after graduating high school I was hired for a temporary job at $10 an hour. My fiancé was hired for $25 an hour for the same job for the same company.
One day I was walking out to my car in downtown St. Cloud after work and noticed a man approaching me out of the corner of my eye. As he got closer he lifted up his shirt which had been hanging loosely over the front of his pants. His penis was hanging out.
One employer told me I’d been hired because of my looks. Twice men who were my superiors tried to coerce me into having an affair, one after grabbing me from behind and one after taking me to lunch under the guise of giving me career advice. One told me he had a private nickname for me.
And then there’s all the little day-to-day things that are so common you don’t even blink an eye. The cat calls, the name calling, men grabbing your breasts and rear end. Every woman out there has had at least one experience.
Add to all of that the always-hovering threat of violence that causes women to feel unsafe. To fear walking alone at night, carry pepper spray and rape whistles, watch each other’s backs at parties, and be careful the clothes they’re wearing aren’t sending the wrong message. It all interferes with women’s lives, their choices and abilities.
The underlying causes of violence against women, which persist worldwide, are discrimination and inequality. Living life free of violence and discrimination is a basic human right, but when committed against women it’s often seen as normal or not a big deal.
Today women in our country have more opportunity, empowerment and success than ever. Yet violence, and the fear of violence, still holds us back.
Our society will continue allowing violence against women to go unchecked until there’s a strong, united public outcry. Recent events have begun the process, but we have an incredibly long way to go.
