For those not familiar with the German language, O Tannenbaum is a popular ode to the evergreen, and not, as one bright spark suggested, a new Broadway musical with starlets shedding their needles as they warble enthusiastically about the winter solstice.

 

Though, now that I think about it, that just might be the perfect companion to “Sauna Music”, the new show now in development at the Finnish-American Repertory Theatre, an organization of which I was named “President-for-Life” after not attending a crucial organizational  meeting.

 

I do recall the enticing aroma of fresh pine in the house from Holidays past, though the wife and I now utilize an artificial white cedar from the Far East, which arrived complete with lights and simple assembly instructions that only took a few days to comprehend (faster to grow one).

 

My favorite memory from the “natural tree” period in our lives involves Rue, our first Samoyed who we acquired as a puppy while living in the Twin Cities.

 

He was at a critical stage in his housebreaking training when he discovered the new tree in the living room and, deciding that he, too, was somehow magically outdoors, did what puppies with full tanks do.  My one regret is not having the incident on video, as the sight of a room full of adults gasping with laughter as the pup wets the carpet under the Christmas tree really should have been preserved.

 

No such incidents with the Chinese cedar, as the current Samoyed ignores it and the cats won’t even deign to climb it.  And, pretty as it is, I do kind of miss the real one, too.

 

But even that time-honored tradition can be fraught with unexpected consequences.  Note a recent news release from the Minnesota Dept. of Agriculture regarding the purchase of on-line or mail-order trees and wreaths, which states that these imported items can, depending on their origin, bring with them such forest pests as gypsy moths, sirex woodwasps and the dread pine shoot beetle!

 

The solution to this problem is elegantly simple, however.  Consumers can be assured that their trees and greens meet state and federal standards by buying a locally-grown product.  Those still seeking the perfect tree can go to the Minnesota Grown Directory at www.minnesotagrown.com to find a tree farm nearby.

 

My one lingering regret about natural trees comes from an incident in the Great White North years ago, as my wife and I prepared to celebrate our first Christmas.  We had been cross-country skiing on the family farm, using the snowmobile trail that ran under the high-tension power lines, when we spotted the perfect apartment-size Christmas tree growing on the verge of the chemical treatment zone under the towers.

 

Foolishly skiing right up to the tree to confirm its perfection, we then backtracked over hill and dale to the farmhouse to find a saw.  As we arrived at “our” tree (you can see this coming) nothing remained but a perfectly sawed stump and the faint aroma of two-stroke oil on the crisp winter air.

 

Turns out our friends Bill and Linda had been out Christmas tree hunting that same morning, though they had the foresight to use a snowmobile, and bring a saw with them.  Adios, little tree!

 

Justice is sometimes swift, however, as the tree in question turned out to be a “cat spruce”.  I do not know the Latin name for this species of evergreen, but I do know that, once brought into a warm house, it gives off a powerful aroma reminiscent of an unchanged feline sandbox.

 

So, at least at our house: “Pine is fine, but plastic is fantastic!”