Like many Americans my age, I am ever more aware of the ticking of the clock as it marks off the increments towards the dreaded “Age of Retirement.”  I have enjoyed a lengthy tenure here at “The Citizen,” but, nothing good lasts forever, and as was drummed into us in the Boy Scouts: “Be Prepared!”

 

Retirement is still some ways off, as far as I know, though in the news business, you can never be sure that some Brian Williams-like faux pas will not reach out from the past and flatten your aspirations.

 

So what’s a fellow in his 60’s to do, then, when casting about for future employment.  After all, this is not a demographic that has businesses beating down the door to get your name on an employment contract.  Like my bad-tempered kitten, I have had to think outside the box on this one.

 

I have recently been trying to wean myself from my habit of consuming all of the cable news I can take in each day, but you can’t escape all of it.  And so it dawned on me that one job will soon be open that most retirees (though not all) have never even considered.

 

It is in that spirit that I announce the formation of an exploratory committee to advise me on the practicability of a run for the White House in 2016.

 

The field is filling up fast, so some hard decisions will have to be made quickly if this quixotic grass-roots effort has any chance of success.  Things like, which party nomination to seek, sourcing a vast horde of campaign donations, and finding a plausible vice-presidential running mate (Wife says absolutely not!) and assembling a campaign staff that has some idea of what they are doing.

 

Heady stuff.

 

I do tend to lean left on most social issues, so that pretty much precludes a local groundswell on Election Day, but that does not limit me to pandering for the Democratic nomination.  I like to think of myself as an Independent on most issues, and I campaigned hard for Barry Goldwater back in the 60’s (though too young to vote then. Imagine!).  I also voted for Jesse Ventura several times (twice for mayor in Brooklyn Park, where we lived then, and once for governor.)  But I am also a  conservative on matters of Second Amendment rights and the defense of the nation.

 

The Republicans could certainly use a dose of something completely different, since their Presidential field seems to be many heads of the same hydra.  Louisiana Gov. Jindal said this week that the candidates could “give each other’s speeches, and nobody would notice.”   I can help with that.

 

The Democrats, as usual, are all over the place, with Hilary Clinton well ahead of Sen. Sanders, Gov. O’Malley and the shape-shifting Republican/Independent/Democrat former U.S. Senator and Rhode Island Governor Lincoln Chaffee.  It is hard to see a way to get traction in the middle of that bunch.

 

So it’s an Independent candidacy, then.  That is, independent of funds, campaign staff, an office, a travel budget, a current running mate and door-knocking volunteers.  We (I) still have the Internet®, though, so all is not lost.

 

My platform is pretty solid so far:  Free college tuition; raise the minimum wage; save Social Security/Medicare/Medicaid; expand the Affordable Care Act; save the U.S. Postal Service; no government intrusion in the doctor/patient relationship; medical coverage for veterans to include private hospitals and doctors; improve the national highway network to at least the level currently enjoyed by Bolivia; support the Second Amendment and repeal Citizen’s United.  And also respond to any attack on the U.S. or our allies in Europe and Asia with every weapon in our arsenal, Geneva Convention be damned.

 

I have studied the job requirements, and am demonstrably qualified for the position, being 36 years of age (and then some) and a native-born U.S. citizen (take that, Canadian Senator Cruz.)  There are people still alive in the Great White North (as well as documents) that can swear to this, so there will be no controversy there.

 

And I think hanging back like a good race horse and letting the leaders make the mistakes may just work for our (my) campaign, (especially since I have no choice.)

 

For example, former Sen. Rick Santorum this week responded angrily to a statement from the Vatican which said that human activity is indeed a major reason for climate change on earth.  Santorum responded by saying: “The Pope should leave science to the scientists.”

 

It would seem that Pope Francis has a Master’s Degree in chemistry, making him, in fact, a scientist.

 

Who knew?