Christmas is the season for giving and forgiving. But this holiday season, you might be willing to do neither. Maybe someone in your family ticked you off this year. Maybe you got stuck with your least favorite coworker for Secret Santa. Maybe your friend was being particularly annoying the other day. Regardless of the reason, you may be needing to find a gift for someone and you’re not happy about it. So I’ve compiled a list of gifts that are sure to convey your pettiest feelings this Christmas! Please gift with discretion.

A gift card with an odd amount of cash: Why give them a gift card for $15 when you could instead give them a gift card for $14.37 and make them wonder if it’s a card you’d already used and you had floating around in your purse for a while.

Junk food: Is your giftee on a health kick? Undermine their progress by giving them treats they can’t eat without cheating on their diet. 

The gift they gave you last year: You didn’t use it, didn’t like it, and (apparently) didn’t remember they gave it to you. If they press you, admit that it was floating around your house for the past year but something told you they’d like it.

Credits for the wrong app store: Is your person a dedicated Apple user? Give them a Play Store card. Android all the way? Give them an App Store card. Extra points if they’re always ragging on users of the other OS.

Skip the adult, give to the kid: Is your giftee a parent? Tell them you wanted to get them something they could do with their kid. Then find the loudest and most obnoxious toy you can. 

Air freshener: Do you share a bathroom with this person at home or at work? Get them some Poo-Pourri or aerosol air freshener. Encourage them strongly to try it next time they use the facilities. 

Handmade with…love: Nothing says I spent no money on this like a homemade craft. Don’t pick something you’re good at though, or else it might be a REAL gift. Jump on Pintrest and find something you’ve never done that looks complicated. Don’t read the directions, just do what’s in your heart. The goal is to have it look roughly halfway to a completed project by the time you’re done. 

As a disclaimer, this was written for satire, and I do not officially recommend you gift these items to the people in your lives. I definitely would not want you to give any of these suggestions or to send photographic evidence to Reporter.Katie@PatriotNewsMN.com. 

Happy gifting, and Merry Christmas to you all!