Halloween has always been a fun time of year for me ever since I was a little kid. There’s something about being spooked, wearing a costume and seeing people’s awesome outside decorations. It also doesn’t hurt there’s lots of candy to go around.

 

I remember way back to the times I’d dress up in a Casper the Ghost plastic mask and white sheet for trick-or-treating. Some years I’d dress up like the wolfman, Superman or even Captain Kirk of Star Trek. Most of the years as I grew older, I’d don some grubby clothes, rip some holes in the shirt and rub burnt cork on my face for a beard.

 

Ta-da...instant hobo man.

 

I also remember when nightfall came, my friends and I would “book” three blocks from our homes to an old man’s house who we knew gave out popcorn balls every year. You had to get there early before he ran out so that was always our first stop with our pillow case bags.

 

One year, as the days of trick-or-treating were quickly coming to an end due to (ahem) high school, my older sister (Valerie) convinced me I’d be super popular if I ditched the hobo dregs and went as a woman. She said she could doll me up so good, all my friends would be amazed.

 

I had to think about it real hard but finally I gave in and retreated to her bedroom for my makeover.

 

I was nervous. As she put the final touches on my buxom bosom, my curly blond wig and my painted fingernails, I heard my Mom yell for me that my buddies were at the door waiting for me.

 

When I emerged in my God-awful stillettos — my friends burst out laughing and didn’t relent. I heard them call me Barbie and Farrah and Marilyn while they practically rolled around the doorstep in laughter.

 

I couldn’t take it. I dashed back to my sister’s room, removed the dress, wig and heels and ran upstairs to change. I could see the disappointment in my sister’s face, but I couldn’t stand the humiliation I was receiving from my “friends”.

 

Minutes later, I came out of my room, grabbed my pillow case and dashed out the door dressed as a...you guessed it. A bum.

 

That’s exactly how I felt, too.

 

I eventually got over the trauma of that night and never went trick-or-treating again after that. 

 

As I’ve aged, I still wanted the Halloween experience (as did a lot of my other, friendlier friends) so we would hold an adult Halloween bash annually at one of us friends’ houses. We’d get dress up — just as we did as kids — and hang out, drink beer and get silly.

 

Some of the costumes I donned over the years were Jason Voorhies, Calvin and Hobbes, the Mummy and Dracula and Frankenstein. Not once did I ever consider dressing up as a woman, though many of my adult friends did.

 

Good luck with that.

 

Last weekend, Terri and I hung out with a couple friends who we used to get dressed up with and attend these adult costume parties. They live in Oak Grove and they told us of a haunted hayride and corn maze near their home and wondered if we wanted to go with them.

 

We said, “of course!”

 

The place was just off Co. Rd. 9 near SRO (Standing Room Only) and when we arrived, there were just a few cars in the lot and it was dark — really dark in this unlit farm field. We bought a couple glow sticks to help us see (which didn’t help) and we jumped on the train that took us to the entrance of the corn maze.

 

Since we were the only ones on the train at the time, the driver took his time and eventually had us disembark a good ways from the parking lot and event entrance. My buddy — who is a law enforcement guy — pulled out a small flashlight and we set off.

 

As we wandered through the incredibly complex corn maze, we tried to scare each other around each corner by doing fake screams or touching the sides of each other and yelling “boo”. We laughed with nervous anticipation as we rounded the corners, expecting to see “scarers” jump out to spook us.

 

For half of the maze, it was silent in the tall corn stalks. Finally, as we came around a corner, a dude with a hockey mask jumped out and started up a chainsaw. It freaked us all out.

 

My buddy’s wife fell back into the corn and Terri reeled backwards and lost a shoe. We were still holding hands when my buddy came streaking between us, running for his life.

 

Remember, this is a sheriff’s deputy.

 

Well, needless to say, the rest of the corn maze experience was terrifying. Creatures, clowns and masked murderers chased us all over the place. My buddy had ditched us, his wife was still hanging in the corn stalks and Terri and I eventually navigated ourselves out of the labyrinth to the safety of the parking lot.

 

There, sitting in a chair for the last 10-15 minutes, was my buddy the officer.

 

It’s nice to know he’s got our back should danger ever arise, right?

 

Happy Halloween everybody!