EDITOR’S NOTE: Susana Kuehne has joined the Citizen-Tribune for a few weeks, contributing stories for the vacationing Bill Morgan. For most of my life, I played by the rules and rarely strayed from what was expected of me. I didn’t question things that I wasn’t sure about because I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers, and I certainly didn’t do anything that I knew would cause conflict. Staying out of the limelight was my comfort zone, even if it meant not going to the bathroom in the middle of class and listening rather than ever speaking. In my eyes, that was the definition of a polite and good girl, and the very proof that my mother had raised a great woman. It was not until I became a mother that I realized, sometimes you do have to speak up in order to garner respect and it’s not rude to share an opinion that doesn’t necessarily align with the majority sentiment. I suspect that this is what happens to a lot of women, except some never realize (or gain the courage) to raise their hand and say, ‘Hey, I’m not okay with that,’ with the belief that their voice matters. In order to change that culture, I think we should start raising girls to be stronger and boys to be sweeter.
It’s natural to want to throw our sons into the tough sports, encourage them to explore science and math, and allow them to take risks that will turn them into men. Meanwhile, we like to push our daughters into activities that will let them have fun but also protect their innocence. We hope that they know how to behave like a chaste lady, and one day become an excellent wife and/or mother. I don’t think any of that is wrong, but the emphasis on expecting different things from boys versus girls seems dangerous. Traits like sensitivity and compassion ought to be something that everyone possesses, not just girls, just like strength and confidence aren’t qualities exclusive to boys. Why don’t we tell our daughters to be outspoken and show support when they get curious about science, or even sex for that matter? Why can’t our boys show their emotions or enter cooking competitions without having a parent ignore their tears and ask them if they would rather go four wheeling?
Equality starts in our homes; if America is still struggling with this issue despite it being over 60 years since MLK’s civil rights movement, then we need to start raising people that can change our society’s attitude from the inside out. If our babies and toddlers are being raised to see obvious differences in the expectations for boys and girls, there will be a point when we can’t go back and undo what we did, and this problem will persist for generations. There will be male leaders and spouses who don’t understand why a woman would want to go to the moon rather than stay home with the kids; they will go a step further to prevent women from doing what they want because in their mind, she shouldn’t be ‘allowed’ or it’s not ‘normal’—instead of being encouraging and mindful of her feelings and goals. Moreover, there will be females who never pursue their dreams or allow things to be done to them that they don’t agree with, because they believe that’s the way the world works and do not want to be looked down upon for defying expectations. Their view of themselves is dependent upon how others see them, rather than on their preferences, potentials, and power. Our community can crush these barriers early on, if we try.
My son is only three years old, but I allow him to cry when he is sad and ask if he’s okay. I don’t tell him, ‘big boys don’t cry,’ and when he wants to carry my purse, help me bake in the kitchen, sweep in the living room, or take out clothes from the dryer, I don’t redirect his attention to a monster truck or dinosaur. I will let him be himself. There is no list I’m comparing him to, and no expectations in my mind of what he should want to do when he’s older. All I care about is that he’s happy and safe. And if I had a daughter, I’d do the same with her.
